Be Aware of the Warning Signs of Suicide

I am writing this post as we had an unfortunate incident at workplace early this week. One of our colleague ended his life as he encountered difficult situation at work and couldn't figure a way out. As parents, let's be more aware of some warning signs of suicide and note our children behaviors too as school work is another stressful situation.

A suicidal person might show the following signs:

• Talks about committing suicide
• Has trouble eating or sleeping
• Experiences drastic changes in behavior
• Withdraws from friends and/or social activities
• Loses interest in hobbies, work, school, etc.
• Prepares for death by making out a will and final arrangements
• Gives away prized possessions
• Has attempted suicide before
• Takes unnecessary risks
• Has had recent severe losses
• Is preoccupied with death and dying
• Loses interest in their personal appearance
• Increases their use of alcohol or drugs

What To Do?
Here are some ways to be helpful to someone who is threatening suicide:

• Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
• Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.
• Be non-judgmental. Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life.
• Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.
• Don’t dare him or her to do it.
• Don’t act shocked. This will put distance between you.
• Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.
• Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.
• Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.
• Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.

Be Aware of Feelings
Many people at some time in their lives think about committing suicide. Most decide to live, because they eventually come to realize that the crisis is temporary and death is permanent. On other hand, people having a crisis sometimes perceive their dilemma as inescapable and feel an utter loss of control. These are some of the feelings and things they experience:

• Can’t stop the pain
• Can’t think clearly
• Can’t make decisions
• Can’t see any way out
• Can’t sleep, eat or work
• Can’t get out of depression
• Can’t make the sadness go away
• Can’t see a future without pain
• Can’t see themselves as worthwhile
• Can’t get someone’s attention
• Can’t seem to get control

If you experience these feelings, get help! If someone you know exhibits these symptoms, offer help!

Contact:
A community mental health agency
A private therapist or counselor
A school counselor or psychologist
A family physician
A suicide prevention or crisis center

Tips on Controlling Child Tantrums For Parents

How can parents control toddlers who are easily prone to throwing tantrums in public and at home?

Young children lead very exciting and challenging lives. They have to learn everything from crawling, eating with utensils, drinking from a cup. They need to learn how to walk and be courteous and nice to everyone! Then they have to learn and realise that there are things that they cannot have.

Can you imagine their frustration of walking through Toy'sRus and superstores that are full of fascinating toys and yummy candies and all they hear is "No, no, no, Cannot, cannot, cannot"! When their frustration reaches levels they cannot handle, they have what we call "tantrums".

When a child is in full-blown temper tantrum, it is important for parents to realise that he/she is beyond reason. To try and argue with him/her out of the tantrum situation or yell at the child will just cause more emotions.

The most effective tool that a parent has for dealing with tantrums is to avoid them. Below are several tips:

(a) If you are taking your children on shopping trips, be sure to plan something suitable for them too (e.g. time to play in the child-play section or game room at the shopping mall).

(b) Give them warnings such as "In 15 minutes' time, we need to go".

(c) Have activities, snacks, toys available to keep them occupied there are long waits you can't avoid.

(d) Explain the situation such as "Let's get back because Daddy will be home and looking for us".

(e) At home, if the child's tantrum is to seek attention, then best bet is to ignore.

Hope these few tips are helpful in your parenting role.

Lone Kid on Rail Track

What will be your decision if you are in this situation?

A group of children were playing near two railways, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track. The train came, and you were just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would mean the lone kid playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?

Lets take a pause to think about what kind of decision we could make......

How do you decide?


Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same I suppose. Saving most of the children at the expense of one child was rational, morally and emotionally.

BUT, have you ever thought that the child that chose to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safer place?

Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday.

In the office, community, politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are.

The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case if he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him

Personally, I would not try to change the course of the train because I believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have know very well that the track was still in use and that they should have ran away if they heard the train's sirens. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought that the train would come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to that track, we could have put the lives of all passengers onboard at stake!

And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one kid, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save a few ignorant kids.

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realise that hasty decisions may not always be the right one. "Remember that what's right may not be popular, and what's popular may not be right"

Everybody makes mistakes, that's why they put erasers on pencils.

Hope this article can offer you another paradigm.

Family Vacation: Do's and Don'ts

The school vacation is starting in a week's time and many families will be taking time-off to go for holiday. Here are some Do's and Don'ts that may help you make your vacation an enjoyable experience:

Some Do's

Do Plan To Have Plenty Of Fun
Parents need to think ahead what the children and the adults would like to do. Discuss with them and involve them in your planning to gather ideas. It is more likely that the children will have plenty of fun if the activities are agreed on together.

Be careful not to let your vacation turns into a "watch-TV-in-the-hotel" routine. You need not fly all the way to Japan, New Zealand, Europe or Vanuatu to watch TV! So plan properly for the enjoyment of the family.

Do Plan Vacation According To The Ages of Children
Young children enjoy going to places where they can play with other children. They prefer activities in which they can jump, run, ride, climb, scream, etc. Taking them for a trip to hunt for antique would be most disastrous! They will be real bored and you will probably end up listening to many hours of complaints.

It may be better to plan part of the day on children's activities and then leaving some time when the adults can go hunting for antique or appreciate some European Art on their own.

On the other hand, older children will know how to occupy themselves. They may wish to enjoy a common activity with you and then go exploring or shopping on their own

Do Bring Along An Activity-Bag
Regardless of whether you are traveling by air, sea, train, coach or in a car, it is always useful to carry an activity-bag containing fun things for your children. These items should not be their everyday stories books or toys.

Consider some new thing to give it the novelty. Crossword puzzles, crayons with colouring books, crossword puzzles, word games, card games and activity books are some suggestions. This is especially essential for long periods of travel. It will help to keep the children occupied.

Do Build Up Children's Money Management Skills
It is a good opportunity during vacations for children to learn how to manage their money. They can be given a specific amount to spend and taught to budget carefully. Guide them to record their spending with notepads. This provides a good learning experience for children to handle actual cash transactions.

Do Involve Children in Learning Experiences
It is more meaningful to let your children have more information about the place they are going to visit. Before the trip, you can check up travel brochures with them; encourage them to find out more about the place of visit. Let them find out on historical sites and places of interest the family are planning to visit during the vacation.

Do Be Adventurous
Parents can set good examples by willing to try new ideas, new activities, new foods and new ways of doing things. By being adventurous, you are opening yourself and your family out to new experiences.

Do Expand Children's Writing Skills
Encourage your children to take notes throughout the trip. Allow them to use your camera or video recorder to capture pictures and video clips of the places visited. Children can then make a vacation scrapbook out of these items. They can write a few lines below each photograph/picture in the scrapbook.

Do Bring Essential Medication
Remember to pack some essential medicines for common relief of cold, fever, stomach ache, headache etc. Prepare and stand-by the necessary medication if your children have illness such as asthma, allergies.

Some Don'ts

Don't Nag!
It is usually the mothers that tend to nag at their children and spouses. Don't spoil the holiday by constantly nagging over how slow everyone is; why Daddy is wasting his money on getting that rare art item; why the children are staying in the pool for so long; why Dorothy or Nathan can't sit still; etc, etc

Don't Be Rigid With Your Schedule
Family vacation is the time to enjoy one another in a more relaxed setting. It is not necessary to follow rigidly to your schedule, like getting up at 6 am, having your breakfast at 7 am, going sightseeing, and sleeping at 9 pm. This is the time to laze a little and spend your day however you like it. It is not the right time for strict discipline. If you missed some of the planned activities for the day, you still have the next day. So relax, don't stress yourself out on a vacation.

Don't Be Too Upset Over Irregularities
It might be the weather, the travel agent, the itinerary, or even the country you are visiting, but errors or unforeseen incidents may happen at times to disrupt your vacation. Remain patient, be tolerant and show compassion. If you lose your cool and start to blame and reprimand your children or spouse, you will spoil the whole family enjoyment.

Take the opportunity of such experiences to teach your children how to resolve problems as a family. If you have lost your way, or the car breaks down, or someone get injured; get together as a family and try to find a solution

Don't Complain
Stop complaining if you want to have a great family vacation. Don't compare the shops, the food or the hotels with those in your home town. These are not going to be the same. So instead of complaining about the low-grade merchandise at the store or the tasteless food of the poor-service hotels, let's learn to make do with what is available. Every place is unique, and don't expect it to be of the same standard back home. Each has its own beauty and local flavour.

Don't Carry More Than You Need
Travel light. Consider the various seasons and carry appropriate clothing. Lugging your heavy baggage makes it unpleasant to move around conveniently. Remember that all of you will be adding more to your luggage as you shop around.

Making a trip together as a family is a precious experience that we should all treasure. Such experiences will normally leave an indelible mark in the memories of our children. This will be far-reaching in imparting them the value of family togetherness and happiness.

Ten Little Tips For New Parents

Babies are the greatest gifts in life created, but never come with instructional manual.





The following little tips may help any new parents feeling blessed by the birth of their first baby, but also feeling overwhelmed by this amazing experience.

1. Give your newborn a lot of affection to make her feel safe in a world that is all new to her. Hug, love, cuddle and hold her as much as you can.

2. The baby is totally dependent on you for everything in her life. She cannot live without you.

3. Set up a schedule. Your newborn needs to be able to depend on certain activities taking place about the same time every day. Feeding, bathing, naps, fun and affection should be a part of every routine.

4. You will encounter many sleepless nights, as your baby awakens you with her cries. But time will fly fast and soon, the baby won’t be a baby for long. Experience and treasure each moment.

5. You have to learn on the job. Trust your parental instincts. Nobody is able to teach you how to be a parent. You know your baby better than anybody else.

6. A baby is a blessing. She is not a possession or a toy or someone to take for granted.

7. Children learn by example and close observation. Respect your child’s father or mother whether you’re still married to them or not. She will remember how her parents treat each other.

8. Cherish every day with your child. Parenting is going to be your most challenging and most rewarding experience of your life.

9. Being a parent is at minimum an 18 years commitment. You cannot quit halfway through.

10. Your life will not be the same again. Value this little miracle and remember she will always be a part of you. There should be nothing in the world to compete with your commitment to love your child.

Playing Scrabble Board Game

It's unimaginable that a 6-year old child is expected to know many words and phrases back in 70's. During my kindergarten times, we were only taught the alphabet and numerals from 1-20. We were not expected to form words or construct simple sentences or do simple addition and subtraction.

This is no longer the case now. In pre-school education, these children are usually enrolled since the age of 3 or 4 years old starting from the nursery level, progressing to K1 and K2. They are expected to know the alphabet at the age of 4, and be able to read and construct simple sentences by 6 years old. Numeracy skill such as simple addition and subtraction is something expected of them before entering Primary 1.

Playing the Scrabble board game is one of the way I try to improve my child vocabulary. This morning, we had a game and these are some of the words we formed.



This is also a good way to foster parent-child relationship. I am sure the children will appreciate the time we shared with them.

Parenting Tip: Play Some Useful Board Games

Year End Concert - This Is THE Day

Finally, the moment that they had been sweating for the past few weeks has arrived. This afternoon, the children and their parents gathered at the concert venue. Some children have also purchased tickets for their grand-parents to watch their performances.

I have managed to snap a few pictures during their show, although the audience are advised that photography and video capturing are not allowed. But, you know, most parents were discreetly snapping pictures and videotaping. Like to share some pictures here. I have not learn how to upload video clips yet. Would like to show you the clips too once I find out the 'how-to' part.













Photo-taking with friends after the show.

Year End Concert -- Preparation For Full Rehearsal

More pictures on the day of full dress rehearsal on Friday morning. These are taken before boarding the school bus to the concert venue.


































Parenting Tip: Be Involved and Give Support

The Importance of Giving Praise

It is just not in Asian values to give appropriate praises to your loved one. Shouting at your children in public areas is more common than hearing parental encouragement and praises to their children.

Praise is a very potent influence for encouraging self-esteem, particularly if the focus is on her achievements, not on her value as person. However, there's a tendency, especially when praising the efforts of young children, to praise indiscriminately. If you praise everything, then praise loses its value.Let's look at the following 2 comments

a) "You did a great job of cleaning your room. That must have make you feel very proud"

b) "You are such a good girl for putting away your toys after play."

The latter comment implies that if she does not perform to your expectation, you may value her less. Praise should be aimed at enhancing the joy a child takes in her accomplishments.

Try to avoid comparisons to others in your praise. It is sufficient to compliment her for doing something well; She does not need to be told that she did it better than her peers.

Parents that praise a smart child for her intelligence may make the youngster anxious and ill-prepared to deal with failure. A child should feel special and competent, not necessarily superior. Praising children's intelligence, far from boosting their self-esteem, encourages them to embrace self-defeating behaviors such as worrying about failure and avoiding risks. A child whose parents have led her to believe that she is smarter or better-looking or stronger than everyone else may face difficulties in making friends in school.

Parenting Tip: Apply Praise Appropriately To Enhance Self-Esteem

Year End Concert - Some Rehearsal Pictures

Would like to dedicate a few posts here to my daughter and share her joy of her preparation of the year-end concert. These were taken on Wednesday at the school compound in one of the rehearsal.

How to raise a wayward child -- Parenting Nightmare

My ex-colleague emails these 'tips' to me on parenting nightmare if your child is not raised properly.

How to raise a wayward child

a) Never have traditional family activities that your children look forward to.
b) Always prefer material pursuits to family activities.
c) Never correct your children. Always assume that they are right and everyone else is wrong.
d) Always pick up after your children; never give them any responsibility.
e) Never listen to your children; talk at them, not to them.
f) Always solve your childrenÂ’s problem and make their decisions for them.
g) Never give your children any meaningful spiritual training. Instead emphasize religious ritual, outward appearances.
h) Warn your children of the danger of drugs while you are an alcoholicgamblerlIr.
i) Continually tell others what great things your children are doing – and always expect them to win.
j) Never let your children experience cold, fatigue, adventure, injury, risk, challenge, experimentation, failure, frustration or discouragement.
k) Disobey the law in front of your children and tell them by your attitude that the laws were passed for everyone but you.
l) Never eat together as a family.

You might not agree with some of these parenting tips. For me, I do not think it is inappropriate to tell others and boast of your children great things. And what is wrong about expecting your child to win and become champion?

IMO, never eating together as a family is surely going to lead to family problems. Not just parenting issues, it may lead to broken marriages.

Parenting /Family Tip: Eat Together as a Family.